Hello My Darlings,
I have moved my blog over to dellamcgee.com where I will have all my blog posts in one spot. If you are signed up for yogagirl’s blog you will now need to sign up for dellamcgee.com to keep receiving blog emails from me. Thank you!
I know about being pissed off. I’ve been angry most of my life. It hasn’t been until the past couple of years that anger hasn’t ruled me. Yoga is what released it from my body and mind, specifically Kundalini Yoga. Kundalini Yoga has a way of dissolving those patterns that keep us from living life joyfully.
My anger showed up as gallbladder disease. I had to have my gallbladder removed a few years back. This was before I knew about alternative practices to bring the body back into balance. This was before I began to practice yoga regularly. Strong emotions get stuck in the body if we don’t have a healthy way of dealing with our issues. Those stuck emotions can show up as any dis-ease that ails us.
The other piece that changed is I stopped blaming others for what I thought wasn’t working in my life. I began to take responsibility for what was showing up and how it was showing up. I then, of course, turned that anger onto myself for creating things that sucked. One of the most freeing statements I have come across is this. “We are never angry for the reasons we think.” When ever I get angry now that statement filters it way into the forefront of my brain and I pause. If I’m not angry for the reason I think then why am I really angry?
For me, most of the time I’m angry because I feel powerless in a situation. And, when I look even deeper I realize that I’m angry because I’m afraid. Once I can get to that place I can usually find compassion for myself. If the anger still doesn’t shift I move my body. I walk or I do yoga or I beat the crap out of a pillow to release it from my body. I have been known to do all three.
Anger is one of the most harmful emotions we can hold onto. Some of the effects anger has on the body are these:
- Digestive Problems
- Increased Anxiety
- High Blood Pressure
- Skin Problems
- Heart Attack
I invite you to find a healthy way to release anger from your body. Not every technique will work for every body. Find the one that works for you.
I’ve started a Moon Journal to reflect on my process as my body shifts into menopause. The process really started full force at the beginning of this year but I don’t believe I was ready to write about it until now. My cycle has been “off” since then and I have struggled with all the signs and symptoms that go along with the changes of my menstrual season.
I decided to create a journal to record my journey along the way. I thought it may help me be in a place of acceptance instead of the battle I’ve engaged in since this all began.
I knew the process had begun when I started having hot flashes back in January. They lasted continually for about 6 weeks and then they disappeared. My period stopped for 74 days before I bled again. Then within two weeks my moon came back with a vengeance seeming to make up for all that it had previously missed. Once again I am waiting for my blood to flow at day 36. My body is bloated and heavy with the water I am retaining. This is a new experience for me as I have never retained water on this level before.
This is my journal. On the inside of the front cover is the image at the top of this post. She is entitled Embrace The Moon. The moon is constantly changing and a woman’s body is reflective of the moon. That is how I feel about the process I am undergoing. I need to embrace the changes going on in me otherwise this will be a miserable experience. I picked up a blank artist’s book at Michael’s and some stickers to make it pretty. I thought if I created something beautiful to write in I would more likely do so. I want to get some pretty pen’s to use in it as well.
My intention with this blog is to share my experience but to also share what is supportive of that experience. One of the best books I have found on this topic is the New Menopausal Years by Susun S. Weed. I have combed through her pages over and over in the past few months. One of her main messages is that this is a time of initiation. I am birthing myself into a new Woman. I am looking forward to meeting her (me) along the way.
Kundalini Yoga: Releasing Premenstrual Tension & Balancing Sexual Energy
Walking out in Nature
A few days ago Guidance spoke to me and suggested I let go of my plan. I plan everything. The plan makes me feel safe and organized. The plan creates stress and anxiety. I decided to experiment with letting go of the plan. I do make a list of things I would like to do in a day. But I decided if I forgot to put something on the list then it wasn’t that important. I also decided to let go of how and what it looks like to carry out the tasks on my list.
So far, the experiment has been very liberating. I’ve followed my day according to what feels right. I do have a job that has a schedule. It is a given that I need to be responsible towards my commitments to others. The rest is a free for all. There is a bit of fear around letting go in this way. What will happen if every aspect of my life isn’t controlled? What has happened so far is I feel more rested and more at peace. I will continue to experiment with letting go of the plan. I can always go back to they way things have always been . . .
“Life got in the way.”
Pretty sorry excuse but there it is. My work load tripled and my personal kindness practice fell by the wayside. It’s not that I was unkind per say. It’s just that I lost focus in the last couple weeks. My intention is to get back on track and recommit myself to those ideals I have written about earlier.
It’s amazing to me how I let stress overtake my life and all my best self-care practices exited stage left. That is the most unkind thing I could have done to myself. It is that accumulation of stress in my body that brought my back to center. It’s time to relax and breathe which is the kindest thing I can do for myself today.
I also changed the title of this sadhana from challenge to practice. And, I’ve also decided to let go of the 40 day mark and simply let this be a practice for life. Every day is an opportunity to live my life this way. Some days will be better than others. My goal is to always do my best.
I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written. I have felt stagnate and uninspired these past few days. I was hoping this kindness practice would catapult me to joy and that has not happened. I do realize that anything that isn’t joy has to come up to the surface to release first. And, some of that has happened. Yet, the last few days I have been a bit tired and listless. I could be the extreme cold. It could be the alignment of the planets. It is more likely that this is all part of the process of realizing the kindness within myself.
This morning, during my favorite ritual, taking a bath I did a chakra balancing exercise. I go through each of my chakras, putting my hand on the place on my body where they live, and invite them to balance. I say “balance” and visualize them as so and then move up to the next chakra. I had to do this several times through before I felt the shift in my energy field. Here is a pdf I created to give you a better understanding of the chakras.
It will help you to find each and give you tips to balance them. I encourage you to work with the chakras when you are feeling a bit off and see what positives can happen. It is from that place we can find our kindness.