Last night I heard some news that made me very angry. I attempted to think loving thoughts towards the object of my anger but I could only sustain it for a few moments. As I observed my breath I realized I was breathing shallow and ragged. I lengthened and deepened my breath into my belly and that helped me to relax. From that place of relaxation I was able to move into understanding and compassion. That was last night. . .
This morning I am even more angry than before. My anger is only hurting me and not anyone else in this particular situation. I can actually feel it burning in my heart and in my belly. I know there is no accident that the timing of this is happening now so it can heal. I am more aware of my thoughts so am unlikely to hide the uncomfortable ones in the recesses of my mind.
I have held anger towards this person for years. I figured if I didn’t see them or contact them it wasn’t there. Not true. It’s been lurking just under the surface waiting for an opportunity to arise. This anger doesn’t want to be inside me. It is a volcano waiting to erupt. My breath has become shallow again while writing this. I didn’t realize this journey was going to take me towards the road of forgiveness. I am nowhere near there yet but I know that is my soul’s goal for me. I welcome it.
Right now all I can do is remind myself to breath. That is the most kind thing I can do for my body and my mind now. For me, this challenge is not about stopping all unkind thoughts. It’s about noticing the thoughts that are unkind and then choosing a kind thought instead. The power of this gift is in the awareness of my thinking.
Loving Kindness Tip:
Take a long luxurious bubble bath and use your hands to send loving feelings to all parts of your body. When I did this It made me aware of how much I really do admire and appreciate my body. I did have a bit of difficulty when I moved to my belly. In the past I have used the affirmation “I love and accept myself exactly as I am.” That never has worked for me. Last night I was able to call upon the feeling of being kind and send that kind feeling to my belly. That worked!
Thank you to all the people who have decided to join me on this journey. We can change the world through this practice one kind thought and one breath at a time. And please be kind if there is any incoherence in this post as I wrote it at 3:30 in the morning. 🙂