I have recently spent a considerable amount of time packing up the apartment I have lived in for the past 16 years. It is time to move on. I knew when my boy left home that I too would need to move on from this safe haven that I’ve called home for the past 16 years. The circumstances around my move are not to my liking but I can see how I would have never left under more “pleasant” conditions. When my boy turned 18 my child support ended. That was the financial 2 x 4 that is getting me to make this move.
I am appalled by the amount of “stuff” I’ve collected over the years. I’m cleaning out closets and going into the hidden places that I’ve stuffed things over the years. I found several items that I had forgotten I even had. I’m clearly seeing what I have attachments to and what thrills me to release back into the Universe. I sold three-quarters of my books and I still have a lot that I can’t bear to separate from. How attached I am to certain books surprised me. Many of them helped me through the beginnings of my spiritual quest and through my darkest days of learning to love myself deeply.
I have titled this blog post The Layers of a Life because I see myself going deeper and deeper into the letting go process. It’s not happening all at once. It’s happening in layers. I feel the attachments I’ve placed on this living space slowly starting to come undone. At times I am incredibly excited for my next adventure. Other times, I’m terrified because so much of my future is unknown. And then the grief of leaving a place I have loved so long and so well. No wonder I dug in my heals and tried to make it work here.
I know that I have something amazing in store for me. I do not know what that is yet. I have to practice radical trust now in my life. Some days it is easy and others not so much. I feel like Eustace in the Chronicles of Narnia peeling off my dragon skin layer by layer until I am once again myself. Only myself has yet to be created. . .