The Layers of a Life

I have recently spent a considerable amount of time packing up the apartment I have lived in for the past 16 years.  It is time to move on.  I knew when my boy left home that I too would need to move on from this safe haven that I’ve called home for the past 16 years.  The circumstances around my move are not to my liking but I can see how I would have never left under more “pleasant” conditions.  When my boy turned 18 my child support ended.  That was the financial 2 x 4 that is getting me to make this move.

I am appalled by the amount of “stuff” I’ve collected over the years.  I’m cleaning out closets and going into the hidden places that I’ve stuffed things over the years.  I found several items that I had forgotten I even had.  I’m clearly seeing what I have attachments to and what thrills me to release back into the Universe.  I sold three-quarters of my books and I still have a lot that I can’t bear to separate from.  How attached I am to certain books surprised me. Many of them helped me through the beginnings of my spiritual quest and through my darkest days of learning to love myself deeply.

I have titled this blog post The Layers of a Life because I see myself going deeper and deeper into the letting go process.  It’s not happening all at once.  It’s happening in layers.  I feel the attachments I’ve placed on this living space slowly starting to come undone.  At times I am incredibly excited for my next adventure.  Other times, I’m terrified because so much of my future is unknown.  And then the grief of leaving a place I have loved so long and so well.  No wonder I dug in my heals and tried to make it work here.

I know that I have something amazing in store for me.  I do not know what that is yet.  I have to practice radical trust now in my life.  Some days it is easy and others not so much.  I feel like Eustace in the Chronicles of Narnia peeling off my dragon skin layer by layer until I am once again myself.  Only myself has yet to be created. . .

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2 thoughts on “The Layers of a Life

  1. I couldn’t have said it better myself. That is exactly what I went thru this past year. And yes, trust that you do have amazing things in store- and it’s the 2×4 approach that best brings us to that new and fabulous place.
    Peace and Love, J

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