I am so grateful.
In the past two weeks I have gone even deeper into uncovering the reasons for my back pain. The piece that is now revealed is my relationships with men. I had an inkling that releasing these life long patterns may change my current relationship. And it did. We broke up this weekend. It was an incredible shock but not a surprise. I intuitively knew the process I was undergoing could have this effect.
We were together (this time around) for 9 months to the day. I find the timing significant. It took 9 months to birth a new me in romantic relationship. Within the grief there is an incredible calmness inside of me. I know that this signifies a tremendous healing for me. I know I can be in my next relationship more authentically.
My mother worked all her life never taking time for herself. A couple of years ago she had a stroke and has been in a nursing home ever since. She is paralyzed on one side of her body and she can no longer speak. She rests now. There is no other option. People do for her what she has always done for others. This was her way of giving herself back to herself. Mine is through my back. I am taking care of myself on a level I would have never dreamed before. I am putting myself first. When you are in enough physical pain guilt is no longer an option. I rest. No guilt. I am grateful that I am getting this lesson (opportunity) now. I have learned from my mother’s experience and now my own. And so I rest.
Every day my back gets better. Even though I slipped on the ice yesterday I do not see this as a set back. I see this as a continued opportunity to love myself even more. And so I rest even more.